Congratulations! You're having a boy.
So you found out there's a little bundle of joy coming to your family and he's got an XY blueprint. Let me be the first to tell you, that one little letter makes a big difference. To be completely honest, my oldest is only 11 and so I've got a ways to go. If rumors are true the years ahead of me include some hard ones. But, I have learned a thing or two through my cumulative 38 years of raising boys and I'd love to pass on some experiential wisdom.
Number 1.
Get plastic sheets. Get them now. Human urine has now become a major part of your daily and nightly routines. I don't have any way to deliver this information with a softer tone. It is listed as number 1 for a reason. Believe me, I wish it didn't have to be so. But, it is what it is. And it is...everywhere.
Number 2.
Forget what the experts say about starting a college fund. You need to be thinking about lego storage because that is your real future. Don't waste your years accidentally stepping on those little demons before coming up with a master plan. Do it now.
Number 3.
There are a few phrases you need to start practicing so that they will be readily accessible on the tip of your tongue, particularly if you are dealing with more than 1 boy. You will need to use these phrases in a variety of situations including: loading up in the car, during homework time, during bath time, and also anytime your boys are breathing. The sayings include, but are not limited to: "Keep your hands in your own space," "Do not pee right there," "Please get down," and "No, you may not have any more food."
Number 4.
Figure out the specific differences between Touching vs Holding. And be able to give an answer for when you tell 3 year old "Don't touch" and he replies "I'm not touching it, I'm holding it." Don't make the same mistake I did and assume those mean the same thing.
Number 5.
It's safe to say that all communication from here on out needs to be specific, not just when it comes to the touching vs holding of objects. You can not say "Don't put your knife in the outlet" without adding "...or the spoon, or the fork, or your brothers knife, or something that looks like a knife, or any object wether metal or not that is grasped by your hand." Likewise be sure and complete your request to "wash your hands" with the easily forgotten phrase "with soap." And you need to always clarify "brush your teeth" by coupling it with the phrase "with toothpaste."
Number 6.
This next one requires some self-awareness on your part to first unpack your own morals, values, and dreams for the future. Then you will be ready to take your pro-life or pro-choice stance on bugs. You need to ask yourself the hard questions. Where are they allowed? Outdoors only? Maybe in hand too? What about in pockets? Don't forget about pockets.
Number 7.
Throw out all those cutesy hair bows you bought in anticipation of a baby girl, and don't let yourself look back.
Number 8.
Likewise Belle, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty mean nothing to you now. Get to know Spiderman, Lightening McQueen, Pikachu, and Yugio cards.
Number 9.
This next one is a controversial parenting topic but my two cents says do NOT buy him a toy gun. By that I mean don't waste your money on one, because he will make one himself...using a stick, using a sandwich, and when desperate times call for it even using his nether regions. You have to just believe me on this one, he will find a way.
And finally number 10.
Get ready to smile and laugh harder than you ever have before, because lots of snuggles and "I love you"s and boy antics are right around the corner. From the bottom of my heart, and this coming from a Momma who swore during each of her pregnancies that she was having a girl, I say to you CONGRATULATIONS on your sweet boy. There are few things in this life more innocent and pure than the way a little boy loves his momma.
Trust me, I know.
Number 1.
Get plastic sheets. Get them now. Human urine has now become a major part of your daily and nightly routines. I don't have any way to deliver this information with a softer tone. It is listed as number 1 for a reason. Believe me, I wish it didn't have to be so. But, it is what it is. And it is...everywhere.
Number 2.
Forget what the experts say about starting a college fund. You need to be thinking about lego storage because that is your real future. Don't waste your years accidentally stepping on those little demons before coming up with a master plan. Do it now.
Number 3.
There are a few phrases you need to start practicing so that they will be readily accessible on the tip of your tongue, particularly if you are dealing with more than 1 boy. You will need to use these phrases in a variety of situations including: loading up in the car, during homework time, during bath time, and also anytime your boys are breathing. The sayings include, but are not limited to: "Keep your hands in your own space," "Do not pee right there," "Please get down," and "No, you may not have any more food."
Number 4.
Figure out the specific differences between Touching vs Holding. And be able to give an answer for when you tell 3 year old "Don't touch" and he replies "I'm not touching it, I'm holding it." Don't make the same mistake I did and assume those mean the same thing.
Number 5.
It's safe to say that all communication from here on out needs to be specific, not just when it comes to the touching vs holding of objects. You can not say "Don't put your knife in the outlet" without adding "...or the spoon, or the fork, or your brothers knife, or something that looks like a knife, or any object wether metal or not that is grasped by your hand." Likewise be sure and complete your request to "wash your hands" with the easily forgotten phrase "with soap." And you need to always clarify "brush your teeth" by coupling it with the phrase "with toothpaste."
Number 6.
This next one requires some self-awareness on your part to first unpack your own morals, values, and dreams for the future. Then you will be ready to take your pro-life or pro-choice stance on bugs. You need to ask yourself the hard questions. Where are they allowed? Outdoors only? Maybe in hand too? What about in pockets? Don't forget about pockets.
Number 7.
Throw out all those cutesy hair bows you bought in anticipation of a baby girl, and don't let yourself look back.
Number 8.
Likewise Belle, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty mean nothing to you now. Get to know Spiderman, Lightening McQueen, Pikachu, and Yugio cards.
Number 9.
This next one is a controversial parenting topic but my two cents says do NOT buy him a toy gun. By that I mean don't waste your money on one, because he will make one himself...using a stick, using a sandwich, and when desperate times call for it even using his nether regions. You have to just believe me on this one, he will find a way.
And finally number 10.
Get ready to smile and laugh harder than you ever have before, because lots of snuggles and "I love you"s and boy antics are right around the corner. From the bottom of my heart, and this coming from a Momma who swore during each of her pregnancies that she was having a girl, I say to you CONGRATULATIONS on your sweet boy. There are few things in this life more innocent and pure than the way a little boy loves his momma.
Trust me, I know.
posted by Christina at
5:34 PM
2 Comments:
I love this post! It made me laugh...I have four boys and one daughter (just recently through adoption and she is the oldest). Boys are so fun and rambunctious and daring and witty...and Legos oh my you are right on!
Wait until they develop that undeniable smell of Teenage Boy Funk. There is nothing like it. Then you get to add new phrases to your vocabulary: Did you use deodorant? Under BOTH arms? Yes, I've actually had to say that, lol!
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