"That's not my mom"
Last night I was picking Canaan up from church child care. I stood in the doorway and peered in. Looking back at me, were 15ish three and four year olds watching a Bearenstein Bears cartoon. Silas caught my eye right away and smirked, then pretended to keep watching the cartoon. His ever-growing smirk, however, totally sold him out. I knew that his eyes were on the screen, but really he was watching me.
In the middle of that moment my own eyes found Canaan off to the side sitting at some tables. The little girl next to him announced, "Canaan there's your mom." And that's when I heard him whisper back, "That's not my mom."
I automatically burst into a laugh.
The child care workers, however, began to look nervous. There were several kids in the room who were adopted, I know that because Cory and I had just spent the last 2 hours with their moms and dads in a parenting class for adoptive families. And adoption can be a sensitive topic. It has it's own culture and language and right now you should be thinking..."and apparently it's own parenting classes too!!"
One quick google search will bring up dozens of rants like "Top 10 things NEVER to say to an adoptive mom" or "How an adoptive mother is the same as the REAL mother." It can be a tricky subject to maneuver and a momma bear can be quite easily offended and not in the cartoon-ey Momma Bearenstein Bear kind of way.
But for me, all I could do was grin, because I knew Canaan meant absolutely nothing by it. He wasn't trying to take some stance about how I was or wasn't his real mom. He just wanted to keep watching the cartoon.
What can often be a walk-on-eggshells topic for some is such a commonplace, non-issue in our family. We can joke about hard things, even adoption. And not because we are hiding behind the humor, but because in an honest to goodness -there is no fear or threat present- everyone is so obviously emotionally and physically safe- we are really just laughing together. It's the same way I can tease his older brother (who was abused) and threaten that I'm gonna give him 15 spankings and hang him by his toenails if he doesn't pick up his shoes. No fear just safety and laughter.
There was a time, not that long ago, where Canaan saying, "that's not my mom" would have broken me. It would have brought up all my insecurities about his attachment, my bonding, and our future. Maybe when he hits the teenage years he'll throw it back in my face, but now I know it's just him being a nerd. What makes his comment so funny to me is that it is absolutely so VERY VERY FAR from the truth.
In the middle of that moment my own eyes found Canaan off to the side sitting at some tables. The little girl next to him announced, "Canaan there's your mom." And that's when I heard him whisper back, "That's not my mom."
I automatically burst into a laugh.
The child care workers, however, began to look nervous. There were several kids in the room who were adopted, I know that because Cory and I had just spent the last 2 hours with their moms and dads in a parenting class for adoptive families. And adoption can be a sensitive topic. It has it's own culture and language and right now you should be thinking..."and apparently it's own parenting classes too!!"
One quick google search will bring up dozens of rants like "Top 10 things NEVER to say to an adoptive mom" or "How an adoptive mother is the same as the REAL mother." It can be a tricky subject to maneuver and a momma bear can be quite easily offended and not in the cartoon-ey Momma Bearenstein Bear kind of way.
But for me, all I could do was grin, because I knew Canaan meant absolutely nothing by it. He wasn't trying to take some stance about how I was or wasn't his real mom. He just wanted to keep watching the cartoon.
What can often be a walk-on-eggshells topic for some is such a commonplace, non-issue in our family. We can joke about hard things, even adoption. And not because we are hiding behind the humor, but because in an honest to goodness -there is no fear or threat present- everyone is so obviously emotionally and physically safe- we are really just laughing together. It's the same way I can tease his older brother (who was abused) and threaten that I'm gonna give him 15 spankings and hang him by his toenails if he doesn't pick up his shoes. No fear just safety and laughter.
There was a time, not that long ago, where Canaan saying, "that's not my mom" would have broken me. It would have brought up all my insecurities about his attachment, my bonding, and our future. Maybe when he hits the teenage years he'll throw it back in my face, but now I know it's just him being a nerd. What makes his comment so funny to me is that it is absolutely so VERY VERY FAR from the truth.
I mean seriously, "that's not my mom..." Who's gonna believe that?
posted by Christina at
3:12 PM
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