Secrets and "The Talk"

In our family's tradition, 3rd grade marks the beginning of the transition to manhood.  It's the year you are in charge of taking out the trash and also pumping the gas at the gas station, two very important jobs. But the big marker of the 3rd grade year is "the talk."

Tonight we found ourselves with our 5th grader Levi off at a birthday sleepover, leaving 3rd grader Titus as the oldest brother at home.

I called Titus up to our room while Cory distracted the others by starting up Phineas & Ferb, then he joined us upstairs. You definitely want Daddy around for a conversation like this.

Cory prepped him by explaining that he was getting older and it was time to learn a big secret that only grown-ups know. Titus was giggly and nervous as I started in....

"Do you know what Holiday is coming up?" I asked.

"Thanksgiving." He replied.

"And what about after that?"

"Christmas." He answered right away.

"Do you know who Saint Nicholas is?" I glanced over at Cory who locked eyes with me and swallowed hard.

There was no turning back now and we both knew it. Titus, our second born, who has always had the innocence of child, was about to grow up before our eyes.

I continued on and explained how Nicholas was a real man who lived a long long time ago and had such kindness in his heart that all the people in his village started calling him Saint Nicholas. I explained that at Christmas he used to give all the children in the whole village presents and that he turned it into such a magical time. But, St Nick was just a human and eventually he grew older and died. And because he was just a human, he couldn't be resurrected like Jesus. He just stayed dead.

I paused and did a brief emotional reaction check. So far, so good. Titus was listening intently with his long legs criss-crossed-applesauced on the edge of our bed. I continued on.

"When the next Christmas came around all the parents got together and decided that even though St. Nick was dead they wanted to keep the magic alive that he started. So on Christmas Eve, when all the children had fallen asleep, their parents snuck out of bed and hid presents under the Christmas trees and filled all the stockings with treats and candy."

Titus suddenly looked worried and I stopped to let it sink in.

"What do you think that means?" I asked.

With an expression that can only be described as sheer confusion, and tears just on the brink of exposure, he answered with a quivering question, "Santa isn't real?"

Mayday. Mayday. Mayday. I wanna go back. Oh my goodness, What have I done? Cory and I caught eyes again. Crud. Crud. Crud. He wasn't ready.

Sweet Titus, who is one of only a handful of boys I would ever describe as precious...present brothers included :)...was crumbling before me.

I started talking faster. "No, Santa is real. He is very much real. He is Mommy and Daddy and Levi. And now he is you too."

With the thought of getting to become Santa himself, the tears blinked away and his face was overtaken by the biggest grin.

We explained how it works and repeated over and over that he can not tell his younger brothers. We emphasized how much little kids love to pretend and so parents have embellished the story throughout the years to bring more magic into it with things like flying reindeer and elves and a North Pole. Titus' grin kept getting bigger and bigger.

Until, without warning, the grin immediately disappeared, and was replaced with worry.

He challenged us, "I remember one Christmas when Levi and Ty said they saw reindeer outside."

Daddy chimed in, "Yep. That's part of the job of being Santa. You tell pretend stories to keep the magic alive."

"No, but another time I remember waking up in the middle of the night and hearing stomping on the roof from the reindeer." Now he was the one trying to convince us, "Mommy and Daddy, I'm pretty sure he's real."

Oh, the faith of a child: To stare your parents right in the face after they unleash to you a secret of the universe and bravely announce, "I still believe."

For a split second, I thought about laughing really hard and yelling "Gotcha! We tricked you! Of course, he is real baby." But we stayed the course. He already knew too much anyway. He would have been a serious threat to the innocence of his younger brothers at this point.

Cory and I took turns delivering a few more counterpoints and we finally convinced him we were telling the truth by undermining the tooth fairy too.

In our family, Seth will likely be the next one to lose a tooth and for no special reason whatsoever Titus and Seth have been best friends lately. I knew that for Titus, us proposing to him that he would get to be Seth's tooth fairy was enough to sell him on anything. Even if he still secretly thinks he's gonna have to wake up and do the job before the real tooth fairy arrives in all her pixie dust glory.

Ironically, at one point in our conversation Titus boldly announced to us, "I already know about the Easter Bunny."

"Oh you do? How do you know that?" we asked.

"I mean come on, a huge bunny that goes to everyone's house and hides eggs?"

Oh of course. I guess that one was obvious.  But a fat man in a red suit that directs a sleigh of flying reindeer is more logical.

We wrapped up the night by shaking his hand and asking, "Saint Titus, do you accept the mission of joining with your parents and older brother, and becoming Saint Nicholas this Christmas Eve?"

"I do!" he grinned as we grinned back. Turns out he was ready after all.

I believe it's a common sentiment to wish for your children to never grow up. And we actually threaten ours with spankings when they try to. :) But I have another secret to divulge tonight. I still remember not that long ago when evenings were filled with rocking my babies, and that was a really sweet sweet time. But honestly, it's nights like tonight, where right in front of my very own eyes, I watch my boy start the way to becoming his own little man, that are simply my favorite.