In the beginning: Our adoption story

I have a much anticipated guest post coming up soon on my adoption blog (www.littlerockadoptionsupport.blogspot.com)  that I am very excited about. This blog you are reading now is technically my personal/family blog, but much of my life right now is all about adoption so there is a lot of carryover between the two.  Our youngest boys birth mom agreed to do an interview style post with me so that other adoptive moms can get a peek at things from a birth mom's perspective. Many of you know our family has a very open and candid adoption with the boys mom and I am indebted to her for her vulnerability and transparency with my crazy request.

Through all this I realized I have never written down many of the details in our story and thought it might help give some context to the upcoming interview post and how our relationship with Isabel started. So buckle up because here comes a little trip down memory lane with "In the beginning: Our adoption story." 

In August of 2011 a caseworker pulled up into our driveway and unloaded two curly headed dark skinned boys age 3yrs and 14 months. And just like that our roller coaster foster parent journey had officially begun. It didn't take long for the first jaw dropping surprise because only ten days later the caseworker returned again with a newborn. Here's a quick re-cap: I was working full time and Cory was the stay at home dad to six boys age 7 yrs. 5 yrs, 3 yrs, 3 yrs, 14 mos and 3 days old. I know right?!?! 

They were in foster care with us for almost a year and in that time we grew a deep love for their birth mom Isabel. It all started because she accidentally left her cell phone in the baby's diaper bag during a visit, but we didn't realize it until we were back home- across town an hour away. My husband and I met up with her that night to give it back and visited over dinner with she and her then husband (without the kids).  I won't ever forget it.  There are a few times in my life where God's grace was palpable,  like He was just thick in the air as sure as the Houston humidity. I remember walking back to the truck after dinner with my hand in Cory's. We just kept looking at each other. What just happened? We knew it was a game changer. We had just spent three hours getting to know the heart of a mother that I had previously been critical of. We were newbies to foster care, but we had heard enough stories to know that it doesn't usually work this way. "God is all over this," we said with certainty.

Believe it or not, I still have my scribbled on planner from 2012 and I was able to look back at the dates of everything to get a little timeline perspective. The boys had lived with us for 8 months before the cell phone mix up. Prior to that, our only interaction had been the awkward drop off and pick up at weekly visits. In total they lived with us for 11 months when the courts declared she was ready to have them back. This pic is from our drop off that day. During that crazy year leading up to this day and I mean CRAZY year we had become a family. Now the courts were splitting us up in order to reunify another. You can see the mixture of emotions.

When I was going back over dates on the calendar I had to recount this next part three times. I couldn't believe it but it was only a short nine days after this picture was taken that Cory moved out of state to start a new job in Arkansas. I stayed behind with our three bio boys to ty up loose ends. And Isabel and I kept in touch. By the time the boys came back to her she and her husband were divorced. She was alone and I knew they were all struggling with the transition. The boys had been back with her for three weeks when she called one afternoon and told me she was getting evicted from her apartment because of some ramifications from the case surrounding the boys.  I remember every detail of that phone call. Cory was driving a U-haul full of all of our possessions East down HWY 59 and I was following in the van but making a detour through Plano. Our bio boys had been staying with Nana for two weeks while we packed up our Houston life and got the house ready to sell. I was driving alone and about two hours from reuniting with said three boys that were grown in my womb. That's when Isabel called to confess that the three boys grown by her where struggling. The protective mother bear in me panicked.

We talked it through and I told her that we wanted to help, but I wasn't going to let the boys go back and forth. They needed consistency. If they were coming back to us it was gonna be forever. We would adopt. She asked me what that would look like and I explained what I pictured for an open adoption. I promised her they would always know who she was and that we would keep pictures of her in our home. I would send her updates and pictures of the boys and we would get together for visits. I told her that we would have to go through CPS (DHS) for the adoption because Cory and I couldn't afford to raise 6 kids. Adopting a sibling group from foster care came with serious perks. They would remain on Medicaid until they were 18, we would get a monthly adoption stipend of $400 per kiddo until age 18,  and they would be entitled to free college tuition to any state school in Texas. But most importantly, if we adopted, I assured her the boys would always know that she loved them.  

We talked for a bit and she said she would think about it. I immediately called Cory in the U-Haul. "What does this mean? We are literally in the middle of moving to a new state! Where are they going to live? She's only had them back three weeks. These are MY boys. Do we need to call the caseworker and tell them what we know? Would the boys go back into foster care? The house we just packed up had five bedrooms, how big was the rental we were moving into again. Two bedrooms?!?!?! Can we even adopt across state lines? We aren't even foster parents anymore. They closed our house and our license." 

My level headed husband didn't panic. His words were, "I really think we just wait and see what happens. Don't force anything. I feel like God is saying that we do nothing. We wait."

Oh geez. 

Isabel called back about an hour later. She had talked with her mom. Her mom was gonna help and they would make it work. She loved HER three boys. She wanted them. 

I, in turn, updated Cory and drove on to Plano in a daze to pick up my three. Cory was almost to Little Rock and I was eager to join him in our new-to-us 1903 bungalow fit for a family of five.  It had been an emotional day. We were greeted by future friends from our new church. They helped us transfer our life from one state to another, not knowing that my heart was held captive by three brown boys in Houston. 

For the next three weeks Cory lived in Little Rock with our oldest two and got them settled into school and Seth and I mastered the 8 hour drive between Houston and home as I had some lingering work obligations in Texas....mainly a job with a paycheck. On Thursday afternoon Sept 6th I got a call from our CPS worker. Isabel was struggling and they knew it. The worker asked me what our situation was and if we would be open to adopting the boys. I said yes of course but then didn't hear anything more from her. I just kept waiting. Thankfully I didn't have to wait long. The next morning, Friday, Isabel and I were texting. She and the boys were planning on coming to church with us in Houston for the first time. She was nervous and I was trying to reassure her with what to wear and how everyone was so excited to meet her. Out of no where she typed back, "I think you should adopt the boys." And my fingers flew through my response "I'm calling you."

She was overwhelmed. The baby was sick, she had tried to take him to the doctor, but the oldest was not making it easy on her. He refused to get out of the car. She was outnumbered. And even though the courts thought she was ready because she had completed the anger management and parenting classes, she was ill-equipped. And she was alone.

I cancelled my patients for the day and Seth and I drove to her house to babysit while she took the baby to the doctor. It was a weird two hours. I snuggled and read-to and entertained HER oldest two boys wondering the whole time if they were really MINE. I wasn't sure if she meant what she had proposed or if it was a moment of weakness. She returned home with the medicine and we talked.

Turns out she was serious. We cried together and laughed about what their future might hold. They are bi-racial hispanic/black and gonna be raised by white parents. We both wondered what "color" bride they would fall for. A little update on that- Canaan who will be four next month- has fallen hard for his imaginary wife, Okosama, who according to him has red skin and red eyes. I can promise you that during our conversation that Friday in August, neither Isabel nor I guessed red. :) 

I channeled my husband's godly wisdom and told her that I would wait for her to make the first move. She had to call CPS. I hugged her and OUR boys and Seth and I headed back across town. It didn't take long before I heard from her. She said, "I called CPS you should be hearing from them soon." It was happening. She was serious. No turning back now. 

I'm not sure what the rest of that afternoon was like for her. She and I have talked several times about what a hard decision it was. Since that day I have quieted her tears as she told me how much she missed the boys even though she doesn't regret it. I was her only confidant and I know the depths of how her heart ached in the days that followed. But even I still can't imagine what that Friday afternoon was like for her. What do you do? What do you say, knowing that these are the last hours with your boys. 

My Friday afternoon was a flurry of excitement- and phone calls - and making plans - and calling our agency to let them now what was happening -and how in the world do we get our foster license re-activated -and I guess we're taking the house off the market -and I am moving back in as a single mom of four -and quitting my job -and oh yeah everything we own is in Arkansas. AND I MISS MY HUSBAND.  In our marriage I am the needy one for sure.  I don't even like going to the grocery store by myself. I definitely didn't want to navigate this roller coaster alone. How am I going to do this? I can't even transport the boys right now. Cory has the van in Arkansas. 

Lucky for me I wasn't alone. Later that night, my sister, April, and I loaded up in my parents old suburban and on September 7, 2012 we pulled up to the rows of government housing in downtown Houston. I put the car in park and a dark skinned four year old boy bolted out the front door of the end apartment screaming, "Mommy I get to live with you forever."

What followed was more tears and awkward laughs while we loading up their belongings into the suburban. After some hard good byes I shut the car door and waved to Isabel and started the one hour drive back to my sisters house. I had 4 boys in the backseat -two more in Little Rock- and I was  trying to wrap my head around forever. These are my boys forever.  That's how it was in the beginning. And God said it was good.

Adoption Day outside the Courthouse