Re-routed

Hello my name is Christina and I love my planner. I'm not talking about one of the new fangled "I- something or other" digital ones, but just the good ole fashioned, wholesome, run the pages through your fingers kind of planners. Do you know what makes me most happy? (My husband would yell "M&Ms!!" and he would be right) but also I LOVE making lists and crossing line items off. I have even been known to write something down that I have already done, just so I can cross it off. Feels so good. It's like a high no drug can touch. Which is a metaphor I'm totally an expert on after my extensive drug use. i.e. epidurals.

But really, I thrive on being efficient. It makes me school girl giddy. For example when we run by the store to grab some more rice milk for our own little addict Silas,  I have already gleefully mapped our route to exit the parking lot before Cory has even put the van in park. Granted this may have been a bad example actually, because my strategy usually involves finding the exit that takes you to the nearest stoplight which actually might take longer. I have a slight bit of anxiety about crossing over 2 lanes of traffic to make a left turn without the protection of green arrow. So maybe in this case anxiety trumps efficiency. But that's an isolated case.

OH MAN!!! WAIT!! WAIT! WAIT! I was wrong. I just thought of something else that trumps efficiency too-  survival. Survival totally trumps. And I know that first hand because our family of 8 has been surviving for the last 3 plus years. From foster care prep, to foster care present, to foster care   post we have been surviving. Cory had a whole blog dedicated to the experience called The Great Disturbance. It was the perfect title, because prior to 2010 we were coasting through life and totally dominating the American Dream. (I mean c'mon our last name is Jones. Keep up already!)

Honestly though we became really convicted about hoarding the blessings God had given us. The short version is that we prayed, really prayed, that God would come disturb us and He did not disappoint. I love reading back on those old posts. It's like re-reading a beloved book. I know how it's gonna end, but it's neat to remember what it felt like to live with such uncertainty and daily bread dependence on God. What would happen to the boys? To Isabel? To us? Obviously we had a gut feeling from the very beginning that we would welcome two little boys, add a newborn to the mix a week later, love all three for a year, then Isabel would get them back, Cory would move to a new state, Isabel would give them back to me, I would quit my job, and Cory and I would live separately for months with our family split between two states. I mean the signs were always there. We totally saw the whole thing coming. Err except we didn't.  Those were some really hard days that added up to some really hard years that grew a deep faith.

But not an impenetrable faith though. This self proclaimed planner was ready to put the survival years behind us and coast some more. We are settled again. Cory loves his job. We LOVE our church. We've made good deep friendships. I couldn't ask for a more flexible job. The older three boys are thriving at school. Judah has hope. Silas has mellowed. And Canaan is Canaan. :) This was gonna be a big year for us. We had our fingers crossed that our finalized adoption was gonna mean some big money in the form of a tax refund. We had found a bigger rent house that we could afford and knew would be vacated this summer. I randomly met the current tenants a few months back and felt like God's hand was all over it. It is directly across from the boys school and walking distance to the community pool and park. It was perfect. And it had three bedrooms- plus a bonus room to make into a fourth bedroom. I could go on an on about the 1 1/2 baths, but that would be bragging:) It was gonna be perfect. We got to do a walk through in it before Christmas. And let me tell you that after living it up in our two bedroom/ one bath bungalow, the new house felt like a mansion. It was our promised land after years of obedient wandering in the desert.

But we found out last week, it ain't gonna happen. Due to a new law in 2012 we will be getting zero dollars of the $40,000 we are eligible for. Texas law considers the boys a special needs adoption because they were adopted as a sibling set out of foster care. And we were eligible for a refund for $13,000...per child. Like I'm not kidding. If we had adopted in 2010 or 2011 we would have a lump sum of $40,000 on it's way to our bank account as I am typing. But we adopted in 2013. Insert Debbie Downer noise. And on top of that, last week we talked to the new landlord and he has decided to sell our petite mansion instead of renting it out again. I could cry. I did cry.

This was not what I had written in my planner.

We have been re-routed and forced to turn across traffic with no green light safety net.

Crap.

I'm tired. Are we really doing this again? Surviving again? Didn't we do this whole depend on God thing already? Haven't we put our time in? Doesn't God know we had big plans for that $40,000? We were going to do great godly holy things with it. Like buying a 12 passenger van, possibly a handicap accessible one, while we dreamed off adding more mouths to feed (or G-buttons to bolus) to our already crazy family of 8. If you listen closely you can hear the gasps of those close to us who had no idea of our ridiculous schemes. We were all set to live out our radical faith. Turns out our plans depended too much on our own scheming. Depended too much on ourselves.

I know everything is gonna be fine. And it will probably turn out better than what I had dreamed. But you know what it also may not. And when and if it's not better, or if it's better and then gets worse, or if it's bad for a really long time, I still believe God's way is best. You know the whole "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power....but even if He doesn't..." Daniel 3:17-18.Yes even if he doesn't I still believe that God is good. He already gave me the best part of my story. When we found out the bummer about the house Cory said to me, "Which house are you gonna live in, because that's all I care about and that's where I want to be." Cory Jones is my Jesus with skin on. He loves me sacrificially.  In our 12 years of marriage I have had love equal to a lifetime. Each day that comes just overflows the cup more. He is my better. He is my most.

And while this, all be it brief, coasting season of life is over- I know I didn't commit a season of my life to God. I promised the whole thing. So here we go again. And you are welcome to read along to our LIFETIME of disturbance. Because memories are in the making just around the corner and I hope to document them here.  Times of daily depending on God and what that feels like, because it's so easy to forget the details of His faithfulness. And he knew we are a forgetful people. That's why he said in Joshua 4- after the people had safely crossed the Jordon river:

v2 Choose twelve men, one from each tribe, and command them to take 

twelve stones out of the middle of the Jordan, from the very place 

where the priests were standing. Tell them to carry these 

stones with them and to put them down where you camp tonight...

v6 These stones will remind the people of what the Lord has done.

 In the future, when your children ask what these

 stones mean to you, you will tell them that the water of the Jordan

 stopped flowing when the Lord's covenant box crossed the river. 

Theses stones will always remind the people of Israel 

what happened here...

v24 Because of this everyone on earth will know 

how great the Lord's power is, and you will honor the

 Lord your God forever."

I don't want to forget again. And I don't want my children to forget. I love that about having Cory's old blog to re-read. It is our family's twenty first century altar, a reminder of what happened, both through the humor and tears. And I'm laying down more stones here.

If you don't have a place where you write down stories of God's faithfulness in your life, may I suggest that you start one. It will be a blessing to you.

Here's a little tip though. A blog is a great writing space to start with,

But a planner not so much.