Just Stop It Already

That's it. I've had it. I can't take it anymore.

I can not- repeat CAN NOT- read one more "top ten" article that tries to scare me into action. You know the kind I'm talking about right?  Ones that are filled with absolutes and make you feel like a failure of a human being if you don't line up with that particular author's soap box.

-Top 20 ways parents screw up their kids
-Top 5 things you should NEVER say to your child's teacher
-Top 10 reasons why your teen will turn to atheism
-Top 3 three foods that guarantee your son's future infertility
-Top 12 items in your home that will unavoidably make you grow a third arm

Geez louise already. Why does everything have to be so extreme? It's exhausting and depressing.

Which is why I have taken it upon myself to create my own top ten list. It's my own eclectic mix of helpful information. I think you will find it informative, insightful, and ultimately it will make you say: "You know what, Self? My infertile atheist children may soon need new t-shirts to clothe their third arm because of the things I said to their teacher, but ultimately I think I'm doing ok."

CHRISTINA'S TOP TEN TIPS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE (Details to come):

10. How to tilt your head just right while picture posing so it looks like you've lost 20 pounds

  9. How to use lime oil to keep your wet clothes from mildewing that have been sitting in the washer

      for 3 days

  8. Where you should hide in your house so the kids can't hear you eating their candy

  7.  How to hold your arm just right while picture posing so it looks like you've lost 20 pounds

  6.  How to reduce the pee smell in your bathroom by masking it with a dirty diaper

  5. How to get your husband to enjoy cereal as a made from scratch dinner

  4. How to hold a small child in front of you while picture posing so it looks like you've lost

        20 pounds

 3. How to maximize your child's outpatient surgery as a kid-free date in the waiting room

 2. How to use dry shampoo and a little back-teasing to stretch Sunday's shower till Tuesday

AND FINALLY NUMBER ONE...

 1. How to procrastinate doing laundry by writing a nonsensical blog