That time I was accidentally a brilliant parent

I was out of excuses...

We weren't traveling back and forth to Houston every month.

He was already three years old.

Pre-school required it.

It was time.

"Oh crap!" No pun intendend, but it was potty training time.

I dread potty training like I dread doing my taxes every year. Ugh. Just ugh. Rumor has it that boys are harder to potty train than girls.  And in case you haven't noticed there is a serious lack of estrogen in my house. Up until last week Levi has for sure been my easiest. He potty trained while we were out of state visiting my sister. He mastered both #1 and  #2  at 21 months old. I know right?!? 21 months old?!? That's when you are still counting your kid's age by months and not years. OBVIOUSLY, his success must have been due to my excellent parenting. And I can claim full ownership of this one. Cory wasn't even on the trip with us. He never set a timer, passed out an M&M, or did a potty dance. With my superstar skills I was prepared to write my book How to Potty Train Your Child Before Two and Simultaneously Gloat in Front of All Your Mommy Friends. I would watch it soar to the best sellers list while I raked in the extra revenue from book sales- which would build interest quickly when added to all the money I was saving on diapers and wipes. Hey Dave Ramsey, looking for a protege?

However, my first draft came to a screeching halt when we soon welcomed baby number two. Not only did having two little cherubs take away all my free time for writing, also it seemed Titus did not get the same memo Levi did on how to make your mother look like an awesome parent. How dare he not crawl by 6 months, walk at 9 months, or hold a full conversation with an adult at two? Doesn't he know his mother is an Occupational Therapist?!? His "average" developmental milestone achievement was making me look bad personally AND professionally:) Trust me he has more than redeemed himself. That little chubbers is now seven and they don't come any sweeter, more selfless, kind hearted, or obedient than my "Mighty-guy." Cory and I joke that if we are ever nominated for parents of the year, we will submit Titus as our only child and disown the others. It's our only hope of winning.

By early 2009, way beyond my PR of 21 months,  I had finally potty trained Titus. Yee-haw! Two down and only one more to go. Ha ha ha ha. What a fool I was to think that. Because just around the corner is 2011 and cue children number 4,5 and 6. More boys to potty train. Sheesh. At this rate I definitely have enough material for my new #1 selling parenting book. This time it's called Having Three Kids in Diapers- How It Drains Your Budget and Adds an Aroma To Your House That Five Scentsy Candles Can't Touch. Seriously. I only add the humor to fight back the tears:) Which reminds me, in case you missed one of my previous posts referencing this you tube video on parenting traumatized kids- its worth your time. A song parody called "What you do with pee."

Anyways, back to my shining moment of accidental brilliance. I had been planning to start potty training Canaan on July 4th obviously to celebrate his own growing independence. Oh, I kid. I picked July 4th because Cory would be off work for several days and his presence at home significantly increases our parent to child ratio and guarantees that the other five children (emphasis on Silas!!) would be better supervised while I spent significant 1:1 time in the bathroom with Canaan. Cory was on board with the plan and I was psyching myself up. But amidst our countdown to July 4th came Tuesday July 2nd and I found myself stranded at home with the kids while the van was in the shop. It was unseasonably cool allowing for lots of backyard play. I figured I was stuck at home anyway and our landlord probably preferred less pee stains on the carpet than more. So I announced to Canaan that he was a big boy and his diapers didn't fit anymore. And then I did this:

1. Pumped him full of sugary pineapple juice
2. Let him play outside naked (Angie Winkler knows this is not that much of a stretch from our day to day wear) :)
3. Sat myself in a chair
4. Held a paper cup

It was the laziest potty training I've ever done. Canaan ran and played freely with his brothers then would come running over to me when he needed to go. I didn't ask him. I didn't follow him around.  I didn't make trips back and forth to the bathroom. I didn't even get out of my chair. It was half effort- but it worked. My responsibilities included holding the cup steady, cheering "yay," and rewarding him with another glass of pineapple juice. After a few hours of play outside and 10+ deposits into the cup, I knew he had figured out how to read his own body. We finished our morning outside, transitioned to the potty, added back undies and clothes and bada boom bada bing he was fully potty trained in two days. Two days?!?!  Like no more accidents- he goes on his own- no timers- I don't remind him- let freedom ring- fully potty trained.  He even got out of the pool twice all by himself on July 4th to go the bathroom. I'm pretty sure I know some adults who have been potty trained for decades that don't even get out of the pool:)

The whole thing was epic and definitely blog worthy. My technique was totally spur of the moment and contrived out of my own laziness. The whole experience has inspired my newest future best seller: That Time I Was Accidentally A Brilliant Parent.