Warning: Confession Time
Warning: Confession Time. This post is not for the faint of heart or perfect mothers who like to leave judgmental comments chastising non-perfect mothers.
So here's the deal. Fostering and adoption is hard. Like super super hard. Trying to create an unbreakable bond with a child who is (for loss of a better word) breakable...or even worse already broken- is exhausing. Because most of the time that brokenness is expressed with negative behaviors. But guess what? Biological children can have behavior problems too. As can any two your old. As can a kid that doesn't feel good. As can a kid with surging hormone changes. As can a kid that just simply needs more sleep. The exhausting part is trying to figure out why they are doing what they are doing, when frankly you don't know. And you will go crazy trying to figure out the why.
Here's a bit of my going crazy today evidenced in a cry out to my friends via text.
Me: Just need to mommy vent. I just lost it with _______ today. I'm pretty sure I just reversed any psychological healing we had done. He wet his pants at the park and didn't tell me. Then when loading up to leave he FREAKS out because he has to go again, but starts peeing before "he's in the bottle" and pees all over me, the car, his legs. I am sooooo over this you guys!!! And now I feel guilty for the way I handled it. The frustrating part is I can't figure out why he won't stop. Is it still psychological?!?! That makes me feel totally guilty but also angry- he has been with us long enough- why doesn't he feel safe yet!?!?!? Or is it behavioral? (Insert: gotta say I'm leaning toward this one now because later he told me he looked around couldn't see a bathroom and decided to just go in his pants). Is it medical? Still trying to schedule an appt with a urologist. UGH!! Just ugh!!
Awesome friends response: Yuuuuuuck. That really sucks. Don't beat yourself up though. Your reaction is probably a whole lot worse in your head than it actually was. What matters most to him is that you are a stable, realiable source of love...not that you occasionally flip out. Which we all do, by the way. You're doing a good job. Vent when you need to. Hang in there. and maybe try to make showering a priority today.
Confession: Bonding with three boys who were not my own -but now are- is THE hardest things I've ever had to do. That being said- I highly recommend it. Just make sure you have awesome friends and a sense of humor. And for a hilarious/truthful/makesyouwannacry look at some of the struggles broken kids have- check out this song parady from a mom who has adopted several teenagers with attachment struggles entitled "What You Do With Pee."
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bYcMgFrHUT8
So here's the deal. Fostering and adoption is hard. Like super super hard. Trying to create an unbreakable bond with a child who is (for loss of a better word) breakable...or even worse already broken- is exhausing. Because most of the time that brokenness is expressed with negative behaviors. But guess what? Biological children can have behavior problems too. As can any two your old. As can a kid that doesn't feel good. As can a kid with surging hormone changes. As can a kid that just simply needs more sleep. The exhausting part is trying to figure out why they are doing what they are doing, when frankly you don't know. And you will go crazy trying to figure out the why.
Here's a bit of my going crazy today evidenced in a cry out to my friends via text.
Me: Just need to mommy vent. I just lost it with _______ today. I'm pretty sure I just reversed any psychological healing we had done. He wet his pants at the park and didn't tell me. Then when loading up to leave he FREAKS out because he has to go again, but starts peeing before "he's in the bottle" and pees all over me, the car, his legs. I am sooooo over this you guys!!! And now I feel guilty for the way I handled it. The frustrating part is I can't figure out why he won't stop. Is it still psychological?!?! That makes me feel totally guilty but also angry- he has been with us long enough- why doesn't he feel safe yet!?!?!? Or is it behavioral? (Insert: gotta say I'm leaning toward this one now because later he told me he looked around couldn't see a bathroom and decided to just go in his pants). Is it medical? Still trying to schedule an appt with a urologist. UGH!! Just ugh!!
Awesome friends response: Yuuuuuuck. That really sucks. Don't beat yourself up though. Your reaction is probably a whole lot worse in your head than it actually was. What matters most to him is that you are a stable, realiable source of love...not that you occasionally flip out. Which we all do, by the way. You're doing a good job. Vent when you need to. Hang in there. and maybe try to make showering a priority today.
Confession: Bonding with three boys who were not my own -but now are- is THE hardest things I've ever had to do. That being said- I highly recommend it. Just make sure you have awesome friends and a sense of humor. And for a hilarious/truthful/makesyouwannacry look at some of the struggles broken kids have- check out this song parady from a mom who has adopted several teenagers with attachment struggles entitled "What You Do With Pee."
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bYcMgFrHUT8
posted by Christina at
3:09 PM
1 Comments:
Is it bad that I feel betterafter reading about you losing it? Luke still pees his pants about once a week and I'm 99% sure it is out of laziness. I think pee is grosser to girls than it is to boys. To boys it is decoration for the bathroom and a great topic for discussion. We went on this fabulous horseback ride through the battle fields at Gettysburge and all my boys could talk about was how much Daddy's horse peed... even my patient last night was a 76 year old male obsessed with peeing. I know you're worried about him and I'm sorry about that. I have no words of wisdom. Only the encouragement that in a world where guys are so into going pee pee, he is gonna fit right in. You are an awsome mom and have been from the very beginning almost 10 years ago when youLiz taught me so much. I miss you daily. Love, Liz
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