Channeling my inner Kate Gosselin
I was never a regular John and Kate plus 8 watcher, but I caught a few episodes- enough to see how adorable their kids are, how amazing the human body is (have you seen the pics of her belly right before she delivered), and mostly how Kate not-so-silently suffers from a disease know as "Control Freakosis." It's a medical thing.
I remember one episode in particular when the camera crews were needing to mount some new equipment on one of the walls. According to Kate's demands is was a two man job: one man to drill into the drywall while the other man holds the vacuum hose to capture the drywall flakes the nanosecond they spiral off the drill bit. Whoa lady.
But then as reality TV took the nation by storm, in my own "real" reality show I have ridden the roller coaster of life a few more loops down the track and realize how naive and foolish I was back then to judge her. That woman is not crazy- she is a genius!! She can put out a fire before any one smells smoke. Because for real, why would you want 16 little feet stepping in the dust and tracking it all over your house when you can just suck it up before the problem even exists.
Some of you out there might think she's still a little over the top, but I am here to educate you. Kate is not really suffering from Control Freakosis, her affliction is called Waytomanychildrenitis. There are only two risk factors involved in the disease and as long as you have one or the other you should be fine- but if you have both, the combination is unavoidable. Because if you have 1.) a Type A personality and also have 2.) more than 1 child then it won't be long before OCD goes viral in you too.
My darling husband refers to my personality as "type A with people skills." And I appreciate that he
notices the people skills part because I work hard on that. It's not that I don't genuinely love people,
because I do. When it comes to social settings I am a true extrovert. But if you put me on a team project or in a study group, I have to evoke serious restraint to not steam roll the whole thing. Which is why I seldom volunteer to be in charge of anything. Without sounding smug, I definitely have the skills to lead, but let's just say no one would like me very much. And I can't have that because then my Peoplepleaserosis flares up and complicates my own case of Waytomanychildrenitis.
So Kate Gosselin please accept my apology. I totally get it. You want to be a fun mom, you want to be all spontaneous and non-yelling just like I wanted to today when I took my six for a hike. I wanted to say things like "Boys isn't nature incredible? Look at the trees God made and how they create the shade we enjoy. Come now sweet ones, and dirty your hands in the cool mud and explore the cat tails by the river bank. Let's all hold hands and sing along with the birds."
And you know it was a long morning, and so I can't remember everything I said, maybe one or two of those lines may have slipped in...maybe. But I'm pretty sure I said "Where is Silas? Do NOT play in the dirt! Get back on your scooter and ride, you are not the only one who is tired. If you get bit by a snake in those cat tails don't come crying to me! You are NEVER allowed to talk to your brother like that. You should have gone to the bathroom before we left like I told you to. The next person who whines gets a spanking..." And of course when we got home and laid down for naps. "If you come out of your room again and wake up Silas I am going to rip your head off..." (Paraphrased of course.)
Oh kids. They are so delightful:) Don't worry about mine, I bought them a Little Caesars pizza for lunch and only "fun moms" will let you do that three days in a row.
And while I'm praising reality TV moms let me give a shout out to Michelle Duggar. I don't know
how you do it. No like for reals. I don't have the time or energy to try to CONCEIVE 13 more children- I sure can't imagine being responsible for feeding or potty training them all....and you know also shaping their character, coddling their self-esteem, instilling family values, introducing them to the Lord and all that other parenting stuff. Sigh, I just got tired.
I remember one episode in particular when the camera crews were needing to mount some new equipment on one of the walls. According to Kate's demands is was a two man job: one man to drill into the drywall while the other man holds the vacuum hose to capture the drywall flakes the nanosecond they spiral off the drill bit. Whoa lady.
But then as reality TV took the nation by storm, in my own "real" reality show I have ridden the roller coaster of life a few more loops down the track and realize how naive and foolish I was back then to judge her. That woman is not crazy- she is a genius!! She can put out a fire before any one smells smoke. Because for real, why would you want 16 little feet stepping in the dust and tracking it all over your house when you can just suck it up before the problem even exists.
Some of you out there might think she's still a little over the top, but I am here to educate you. Kate is not really suffering from Control Freakosis, her affliction is called Waytomanychildrenitis. There are only two risk factors involved in the disease and as long as you have one or the other you should be fine- but if you have both, the combination is unavoidable. Because if you have 1.) a Type A personality and also have 2.) more than 1 child then it won't be long before OCD goes viral in you too.
My darling husband refers to my personality as "type A with people skills." And I appreciate that he
notices the people skills part because I work hard on that. It's not that I don't genuinely love people,
because I do. When it comes to social settings I am a true extrovert. But if you put me on a team project or in a study group, I have to evoke serious restraint to not steam roll the whole thing. Which is why I seldom volunteer to be in charge of anything. Without sounding smug, I definitely have the skills to lead, but let's just say no one would like me very much. And I can't have that because then my Peoplepleaserosis flares up and complicates my own case of Waytomanychildrenitis.
So Kate Gosselin please accept my apology. I totally get it. You want to be a fun mom, you want to be all spontaneous and non-yelling just like I wanted to today when I took my six for a hike. I wanted to say things like "Boys isn't nature incredible? Look at the trees God made and how they create the shade we enjoy. Come now sweet ones, and dirty your hands in the cool mud and explore the cat tails by the river bank. Let's all hold hands and sing along with the birds."
And you know it was a long morning, and so I can't remember everything I said, maybe one or two of those lines may have slipped in...maybe. But I'm pretty sure I said "Where is Silas? Do NOT play in the dirt! Get back on your scooter and ride, you are not the only one who is tired. If you get bit by a snake in those cat tails don't come crying to me! You are NEVER allowed to talk to your brother like that. You should have gone to the bathroom before we left like I told you to. The next person who whines gets a spanking..." And of course when we got home and laid down for naps. "If you come out of your room again and wake up Silas I am going to rip your head off..." (Paraphrased of course.)
Oh kids. They are so delightful:) Don't worry about mine, I bought them a Little Caesars pizza for lunch and only "fun moms" will let you do that three days in a row.
And while I'm praising reality TV moms let me give a shout out to Michelle Duggar. I don't know
how you do it. No like for reals. I don't have the time or energy to try to CONCEIVE 13 more children- I sure can't imagine being responsible for feeding or potty training them all....and you know also shaping their character, coddling their self-esteem, instilling family values, introducing them to the Lord and all that other parenting stuff. Sigh, I just got tired.
posted by Christina at
3:12 PM
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