The Other Woman

That subject heading sounds scandalous doesn't it?

It's not really.

Even though it should say, "The Other Women."

Don't freak out.

But they are coming out of the woodwork.

Alright, alright I'll stop with the melodrama.

The other women in my youngest boys lives are coming for a visit. Judah, Canaan, and Silas' mom and (half) sisters are road tripping it to Arkansas this weekend!!!!! I am soooooo excited, because I am a talker. And I can talk about lots of things like: adoption, The Bachelor, occupational therapy, country music,  Jesus, best Lindt truffle flavor, triathlon fails, 30 rock re-runs,  Office one-liners etc etc. Although I learned this weekend I definitely can't talk Nobel Prize winning authors. In fact, I think I offended some friends when we were playing catch phrase and I got the clue "Ernest Hemingway." I decoded it for everyone by saying. "I think he's a writer, I'm not really sure. But his name is the same as that cheesy movie  __[blank]_____ Goes To Camp." Boom. My team nailed it. And that's how you dominate Catch Phrase. :)

Anyhoo, my favorite thing to talk about OBVIOUSLY is my boys. And guess who never and I mean never ever ever ever ever ever tires of hearing me drone on and on about my boys? Mom, that's who. FYI Mom is what we call the boys birth mom, more on that another time. But she is the only other human being on the face of the earth who delights in every first, every quirk, every cute phrasing (cue Silas: "Momma, hold you me?") every picture I send, every art project, every everything.

We haven't seen her in about 5 months. The last time she got to hug on the boys was when we had the talk. We've had to do some prep work for her arrival, and more than just the usual get-the-pee-smell-out-of-the-bathroom tactics. We had to do some emotional prep work, especially with Judah.

He has had some rough patches the past week or so- pulling out some of his old tricks that we had moved past- particularly pestering his brothers. Cory called him out on it last week with a firm, "What's the deal? Knock it off. Do you need to take a nap?" Then when we finally put on our thinking caps and stepped back and looked through our adoption/attachment lens we were able to approach it like good parents.

Cory: Hey bud, I'm trying to figure out why you are pestering so much again. You know your brothers don't like it and they don't want to play with you when you act like that. Why do you keep doing it?

Judah: I don't know.

Cory: Can I make I guess?

Judah: Yeah.

Cory: I think you are nervous about Mom and your sisters coming.

Judah: [Cue immediate SOBBING] Yeeessssss.

That is the tell-tell sign that we are onto something deeper, the visceral this-is-coming-from-way-down-deep sobbing tears. You'd think we'd be better at this by now.

Don't get me wrong, Judah is definitely excited. He wants Mom to come and he definitely wants his sisters to come. It is a palpable joy to see him with his sisters. It is his happy place. More accurately, it is a happy place. Next month we celebrate our one year family birthday. That's our phrase for when the adoption finalized. To us, it was more than a "gotcha day" that only celebrates the adoptees, it was the birth of the new, improved, and forever more Jones family. And in that year Judah has found his happy place with us too. He loves being in my arms, in Daddy's tickles, and in the bunk beds with his brothers. He's different. He's at ease. He's more secure in himself.

He's not 100% but he has been doing really well and that is why we missed the signs of his emotional spiral and just blamed it on behavior. But now we have backpedaled fiercely, shifted gears, and tried to tackle the hill again. We've had lots of conversations laying out all the specifics: who is coming? when are they coming? where will they sleep? where will he sleep? what will we do? when will they leave? who will be leaving? who will be staying? what is Mommy's last name? Daddy's last name? Levi's last name? Titus' last name? Seth's last name? Canaan's last name? Silas' last name? Judah's last name? and where does the JONES FAMILY live all together?

We've made count down calendars with pictures and talked about how it's ok to be nervous, but it is not ok to pester or disobey.

We've talked about how Mom is my friend and I'm excited she's coming. His eyes beam every time I embellish recount how she became my friend. Mom needed to find someone else to be his Mommy and I raised my hand and screamed "Pick me! Pick me!" because I wanted to be his Mommy so bad.  He always wants to know if other people were raising their hands too,  but I assure him that Daddy and I raised our hands so fast that nobody else had a chance to. :)

We've even started broaching the subject about how it's ok to love Mom and Mommy at the same time... and that he can love his brothers and his sisters both. I'm not quite sure he believes me, but he will soon enough. And it's weekends like this that will make it happen because his past and present are coming together in a happy place explosion.

I gotta be honest I had to do a little research to figure out what Ernest Hemingway would think of a happy place explosion. I'm guessing his response might be something like, "...if two people love each other there can be no happy end to it." No disrespect but whatevs Mr. Hemingway.

Because I know for a fact that Ernest P Worrell would say, A happy place explosion? "You know what I mean, Vern?" And I do. I definitely do.

 After the talk with mom 

 Last time he saw his sisters