A New Season: The Family Years

I'm writing this while sitting in a quiet house. Even better it's a clean house- at least the upstairs is- which is all I have in my sight right now because I closed off the doors to the lower kingdom where the boys reign. Ignorance is bliss.

Upstairs I have a candle in the windowsill behind me, fresh flowers on the coffee table in front of me, Ben Rector serenading me in the background, and an open window letting the cool air in, reminding me a new season is on it's way here. Oh hello there Fall, you are my favorite. 

All the kids are off at school today, even the homeschoolers are at their co-op, and in the silence I get to reflect on my life and the new season we are in as a family. I've heard this season called: The family years. And that describes it perfectly.

In a few weeks my oldest will turn 14. Fourteen years ago we started this journey into parenting and just nine months ago we finalized our family's roster with the adoption of our youngest two. It took us a long time to build our team, but we are all here now.

Because it took so long for everyone to arrive, it means we don't have much time before they start leaving, before our older kids move out and start their own little franchise families. Levi graduates high school in five years. Five short years- That's all we've got left, under one roof, doing life together, a whole complete family before the fragmenting starts.

I couldn't be more in love with this family of mine. I was at a gathering of foster/adopt mommas and the speaker had us do an activity where we wrote letters to our younger selves, a letter addressed to Christina circa 2010 before Cory and I got into fostering. It was an emotional exercise for many of the women there because they are in the trenches still. There were lots of tears masked by jokes of  warning our former selves, "Don't do it!" or "Beware of the foster care 50, stress eating is the real deal." Humor is an excellent way to cope. It definitely kept me afloat through some hard years.

But our family is not in the hard years anymore. We are in a new season.

"Dear Christina, If you could see where I am now and the life I have, you would pick this life every time. You would pick these people all over again. Every single one of them, every single time."

To Levi: You are the pride of my life. I love you so deeply, so thoroughly. When you were little, Daddy would tease that I needed to see Dr Phil because I loved you too much. And it's still true. You are my light.  Guess I better book my appointment now.  

To Titus: I'm pretty sure you think you are the favorite, and you could present some convincing evidence. You are so easy to love. Being your mother is (as you say) "my pleasure." And it has always completely been my pleasure. I would be so mad if you belonged to someone else. What if some other woman had gotten picked for you?  I would hate her.

To Seth: You are my surprisingly sentimental one and I am sold out for you.  I love to watch you from afar when you don't know I'm looking. Your mind never stops. I can see the wheels turning. I hit the jackpot getting to be your mom, it's makes me hysterically giddy just thinking about it. 

To Judah: You have a brilliant mind for the mysteries of this world. Your curiosity knows no limits. Our attachment was strengthened through fire. It's unbreakable. I love you so fiercely, so possessively. You can't be lost. I'm yours forever. 

I am so proud of who you are and so aware that I had very little to do with that, but yet still get to call you mine. It's humbling. 

To Canaan: You march to your own beat and it drives me crazy when that beat is twelve times slower than I need it to be! But I think you know that:) You have a tender heart and you love so easy.  I love bragging to others when I get to tell them you go with me. I am so delighted to be yours. You are a sponge soaking up all you can.  Imagining your future and what you will bring to this world makes me gasp. I am in awe of you. I love you so. 

To Silas: I know you have two younger siblings, but you will always be my baby. You were the last infant in my arms. And I couldn't love you more. It is so visceral. I can feel it in my bones, a love and a passion that's all for you.

But, despite what you said at drop off this morning, you do need to bring your back pack to school because you are not batman. 

To Selah: You are my jealous one when I give attention and affection to anyone else. Don't worry, you have many years before you get too big for me to hold. And besides you have nothing to worry about, you have always had my heart from the very beginning. You know it's true. We bonded so immediately. It was love at first sight. Silly boy, you know you have always owned me.

To Naomi: You are the joy of my heart.  I just stare at you and can't believe you are mine. What did I do to get to be your mom? You are my biggest surprise. The miracle of my life. I don't deserve you.

To Cory: Look at what we did. Look at what we got to be a part of. Look where God has taken us. Even still, my favorite place is beside you. Don't tell Titus, but you are my real favorite. No one loves you like I do.