Keeping up with the Joneses: I want you to have it all [Levi edition]

This past week we took a day trip as a family to one of our favorite spots in Arkansas about an hour's drive from Little Rock. Road trips can be hit or miss with a family our size. Sometimes it's rough like when Naomi announces she is going to play a game she invented called "Say out loud whatever I see." It's exactly what it sounds like. This past trip, however, was a lot of fun. Cory and I both said it felt like our kids had "leveled up" again. That's the label we use anytime there is a palpable and seemingly spontaneous maturing of all the kids. On the way to our favorite spot, I told the kids I didn't want them on their devices so we passed the time pointing out the scenery and listening to music. Cory let the kids take turns picking songs and that's how I heard the song, Have It All, by Jason Mraz for the first time.

It was Levi's pick and I couldn't stop myself from tearing up at the lyrics.

Here's to the hearts that you're gonna break

Here's to the lives that you're gonna change

Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you

I want you to have it

Here's to the good times we're gonna have

You don't need money, you got a free pass

Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you

I want you to have it all

It's a song of hope mixed with sadness that marks the transition of a new season. It is exactly the season I am starting with Levi right now. As the oldest, he will be a junior in high school this coming year and that means only two more years at home with him in our family. I can't believe it. He's literally been a part of my life since I was 23. There's only been 18 months in our family where he wasn't a part of it, less than two years when our family was just Cory and I- with no extras.

Obviously, we aren't going to kick him out, but assuming he goes away for college, he won't be in our daily lives anymore. Anytime he's home it will be the exception and not the rule.

Physically his growth is obvious. He's nearly the size and stature of Cory and if I'm in the kitchen cooking and one of them walks by my periphery, I can't tell which it is without paying closer attention. He's stronger than I am and all the physically demanding jobs typically done by the adults in the family, what used to be Cory and I, are now done by Cory and Levi. Cory and Levi load and unload the canoe while I sit and watch alongside the kids. Cory and Levi carry all the bulky luggage or heavy groceries. Shoot, Cory and Levi even loosen all the pickle jars.

There's been emotional growth as well, even though the stretch marks aren't as obvious. The weirdest to adapt to is the fact that he's had a girlfriend for the last three months. The first time he asked permission to go to the store to buy her a treat and run it by her house I had to forcefully suppress my visceral reaction. I wanted to say, "Aren't you the same kid that just started daily showering without reminders? And now you care enough about someone else to know her favorite candy is Mike & Ikes and that only Walgreens sells them and you have made a plan to acquire them using your own money you set aside in advance?" I know, I know Mike & Ike's don't exactly require a savings account, but still.

Perhaps a more honest look behind my reaction would sound more like, "Aren't you the same kid who argued when I told you that you couldn't marry me because I was already married to Daddy and now you are showing care for another girl who, granted is a sweetheart, but is also very clearly not me?!?!?!" Cory has been my hero in helping me calm down the crazy in regards to the girlfriend situation. As he has reminded me, Levi has seen how Cory spoils me and is now copying that. This new behavior that is SO alarming to me is actually exactly how we've raised him to treat girls. Hmm, a novel thought. Levi is only doing what we taught him to do. Guess I should quit breathing rapidly into the paper bag now.

Another emotional stretch mark is the way Levi has started stepping in and "saving me" when he sees the younger kids are starting to ramp up beyond my capacity with their noise and energy in a particular moment. Like when the RPMs of their engines are starting to idle too high, he will notice all on his own and gather them up from under my feet with a "come on guys, who wants to wrestle/go play football/ jump on the trampoline." It is the greatest gift.

Truth be told, he's always been a fun-bringer. He's a tone setter for any family event. Sure, he sleeps till noon as often as he can like any teenager, but in those wakeful afternoon and evening hours, he really shines and can solar power the whole family's mood. I can't imagine any other personality as the leader of our pack.

We've had seasons of growing pains too. I remember 11 years old being a particularly arrogant and argumentative year. I sought advice from mom friends as I vented over his first-born entitled ways and oppressive treatment to the younger princes who's luck of the birth-order-draw didn't leave them as heirs to the throne. Cory and I developed a shorthand way of disciplining this phenomenon using the lecture, "Hey Mario, your brothers are tired of being Luigi. Everyone likes to be player one every once in a while."

But now approaching 17 years old, he is coming into his own and I can not overstate how proud I am of this boy. He is such a good kid. Plain and simple, he is just such a good kid. He's sentimental and funny. He can be sarcastic and teasing with me like a peer to peer relationship, but then knows to tuck his tail and step back in line when I pull the mom card. I love that his bedroom is right off the kitchen and I can hear through his closed-door him playing a new song on his guitar or practicing on the keyboard over and over again until he's got it. I love that in almost every picture I take of him, I can call him out for intentionally flexing his muscles and he just laughs at himself about it. I love that he's got teenage acne, but isn't self-conscious. I love that he'll walk past me in the kitchen and grab me around the shoulders and just hang on for a second. I love that when I curled my hair last week, he noticed. I replied that it took me 45-minutes to fix it and he just smiled back and said, "Worth it."