So I've been thinking a-lot about life...
Hello audience- I thought it was about time I blessed you all again with some more tidbits of wisdom. Just kidding- Elisa threatened me I'd better update my blog or else- so I decided I'd better, since I've seen her yoga moves and am pretty sure she could take me. (Well I don' t think they were technically yoga moves, just a very flexibly odd way of putting on her pants. Trust me the other roomies from Casa de Babes can attest to this truth too!!)
So here's my thoughts: In my past few days at work (which actually span over two weeks time- I LOVE MY JOB- two days a week is the way to go!) but anyways in the past few weeks I have worked with a couple patients who have spinal cord injuries. TThis disability is so fascinating to me. Two of the most severe patients I treated had quadreplegia. I'm talking about bed bound, can't move arms or legs (nor feel them), are being feed through a tube in their stomach, and have to have some pretty embarassing procedures down in order to go to the bathroom...for the rest of their lives. One woman I worked with wasn't even able to speak- she just cried as I stretched her arms. It was serioulsy one of the saddest things I've seen since I started working at the hospital...a grown woman, confined to her bed, crying anytime I touched her, and only communicating by blinking her eyes once for no and twice for yes.
I'm not trying to depress everyone here, it was just such a gripping moment that I can't forget about it. I can't help but think what if that were me... what would I be thinking and feeling? I've always thought it was kinda creepy to think about your own death or make plans for your own funeral or even write a living will. Of course I completely believe in Heaven and know this world is not the end all- but still it kinda creeps me out. Along those same lines sometimes my mind envisions these horrendous what if scenarios (ie: getting a scary leukemia diagnosis for one of my kids, something happening to Cory..etc). Doesn't anyone else ever do this? My sister April and I have talked about this before so I know there's at least one more freak like me out there!!! I've decided it's a coping mechanism/survival tactic that our brain goes through- playing out a scenario in our heads so that we'd be a least a little prepared in the event of a tragedy and not go completely insane.
I can't help it when I see tragedy in other people's lives around me, I always wonder how I would handle it if it were happening in my family. One of the recreational therapists at work was in a car accident that left him with a spinal cord injury (he can use his arms somewhat)- it happened twenty something years ago- which happened to be just three weeks after his son was born. Can you imagine having a newborn and then having your husband get in a life altering car accident? I'm not sure I'm tough enough to cope with that- and really I wonder if my faith would suffer or not. Cory and I always talk about how we've both had a pretty pampered life and never had any events that really tested our faith. And quite honestly I pray that I never will- although this seems very selfish to say.
Well I don't have any real way of wrapping up these thoughts. They are just something I've been thinking about. (Now are you sorry Elisa that you asked for an update!!) But I will try to end on a lighter note by ending with a Levi story. He came over just now- obviously proud of himself and said- "Hey Momma. You know what I just did for you in the bathroom. I washed your mirror with my toothbrush. Wan't that nice of me." MMmm. Time for a new toothbrush I think.
So here's my thoughts: In my past few days at work (which actually span over two weeks time- I LOVE MY JOB- two days a week is the way to go!) but anyways in the past few weeks I have worked with a couple patients who have spinal cord injuries. TThis disability is so fascinating to me. Two of the most severe patients I treated had quadreplegia. I'm talking about bed bound, can't move arms or legs (nor feel them), are being feed through a tube in their stomach, and have to have some pretty embarassing procedures down in order to go to the bathroom...for the rest of their lives. One woman I worked with wasn't even able to speak- she just cried as I stretched her arms. It was serioulsy one of the saddest things I've seen since I started working at the hospital...a grown woman, confined to her bed, crying anytime I touched her, and only communicating by blinking her eyes once for no and twice for yes.
I'm not trying to depress everyone here, it was just such a gripping moment that I can't forget about it. I can't help but think what if that were me... what would I be thinking and feeling? I've always thought it was kinda creepy to think about your own death or make plans for your own funeral or even write a living will. Of course I completely believe in Heaven and know this world is not the end all- but still it kinda creeps me out. Along those same lines sometimes my mind envisions these horrendous what if scenarios (ie: getting a scary leukemia diagnosis for one of my kids, something happening to Cory..etc). Doesn't anyone else ever do this? My sister April and I have talked about this before so I know there's at least one more freak like me out there!!! I've decided it's a coping mechanism/survival tactic that our brain goes through- playing out a scenario in our heads so that we'd be a least a little prepared in the event of a tragedy and not go completely insane.
I can't help it when I see tragedy in other people's lives around me, I always wonder how I would handle it if it were happening in my family. One of the recreational therapists at work was in a car accident that left him with a spinal cord injury (he can use his arms somewhat)- it happened twenty something years ago- which happened to be just three weeks after his son was born. Can you imagine having a newborn and then having your husband get in a life altering car accident? I'm not sure I'm tough enough to cope with that- and really I wonder if my faith would suffer or not. Cory and I always talk about how we've both had a pretty pampered life and never had any events that really tested our faith. And quite honestly I pray that I never will- although this seems very selfish to say.
Well I don't have any real way of wrapping up these thoughts. They are just something I've been thinking about. (Now are you sorry Elisa that you asked for an update!!) But I will try to end on a lighter note by ending with a Levi story. He came over just now- obviously proud of himself and said- "Hey Momma. You know what I just did for you in the bathroom. I washed your mirror with my toothbrush. Wan't that nice of me." MMmm. Time for a new toothbrush I think.
posted by Christina at
8:04 PM
2 Comments:
That was a depressing post...so you most update it SOON with some funny stories and sweet pictures of your boys.
However at the same time...I'm right there with you...:) Great minds think alike
Wise decision in posting. I'm a strange force to be reckoned with. And not at all embarrassed by your detailing my "unique" personal attributes on your blog. :)
I do think about things like this. It is so sad. I also wonder if it would be better to die than to be unable to move and speak for the last 20-40 years of my life. Not that I support assisted suicide, but I do wonder if I'd want to be "saved" and then live that kind of life. So sad. But I also believe in the value of life and think that it's neat that you're in contact with people who you can help and love by the work you do. And I also pray that I never experience something like that. It may be selfish, but even Jesus prayed to be spared from his suffering, so I guess it makes sense that we'd do the same.
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